One out of every three teenage girls will experience violence in their dating relationship by the time she is 18.
Here is how to help someone who is in an abusive relationship:
- Listen. This might be the single most important and helpful thing that you can do. Let them talk without interruption or judgment.
- Believe. Tell your friend the abuse is not their fault and that they are not alone. Tell your friend that they do not ever deserve to be abused.
- Know the warning signs of dating violence. Help your friend recognize the abuse by asking questions about what is happening to them. Help your friend see that what is happening is not normal and is not acceptable. Tell them that the abuse will probably get worse. Suggest a safety plan.
- Support your friend's strength. Recognize the things they do to take care of themselves. Encourage your friend's courage. Do not encourage them to stay in the relationship, but do not judge them for staying.
- Protect your friend's privacy. Talk to them in a safe and private place. Respect their right to keep their concerns confidential.
- Know your own limits. Dating violence is serious. You cannot rescue your friend. Contact an expert on dating violence for your own support, and encourage your friend to do the same. Give your friend the number for the Domestic Violence Advocate, (425) 430-6654, and/or urge them to talk to a safe adult about the abuse. Offer to go with your friend to talk with an adult they trust. Do not take it personally if your friend refuses your help or does not want to share with you what is going on.
Information adapted from In Love and In Danger: A Teen's Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships, Levy, B. (1993) and Renton Area Youth Services.